As leaders, we often strive to inspire and motivate those around us. Leaders who carry limited self-awareness sometimes may hold two very different measures in mind and fall into a common trap: they extend grace and compassion to themselves while holding others to a higher standard.
This disconnect arises when leaders fail to realize their own biases, reasoning that their circumstances justify compassion for themselves, yet treating others’ struggles as personal failings rather than situational challenges.
This double standard can erode trust, hinder growth, and ultimately diminish our leadership effectiveness.
10 Examples of Leadership Double Standards
Here are 10 common examples of double standards that leaders often exhibit, contrasting their self-perception with how they view their team members:
Time Management:
Leader: "I'm a busy person, always juggling multiple priorities."
Team Member: "You're always late to meetings and deadlines."
Decision-Making:
Leader: "I'm decisive and confident in my choices."
Team Member: "You're impulsive and don't think things through."
Mistakes:
Leader: "I learn from my mistakes and use them to grow."
Team Member: "You're careless and make too many errors."
Work-Life Balance:
Leader: "I'm dedicated and committed to my work."
Team Member: "You're not prioritizing your work and need to improve your time management."
Communication:
Leader: "I'm a strong communicator and often give direct feedback."
Team Member: "You're too blunt and insensitive."
Creativity:
Leader: "I'm a visionary thinker and always coming up with new ideas."
Team Member: "Your ideas are unrealistic and impractical."
Assertiveness:
Leader: "I'm assertive and stand up for what I believe in."
Team Member: "You're too aggressive and need to learn to compromise."
Stress:
Leader: "I'm under a lot of pressure and working long hours."
Team Member: "You need to learn to manage your stress better."
Taking Credit:
Leader: "I'm the driving force behind this project's success."
Team Member: "You're taking credit for work that others did."
Asking for Help:
Leader: "I'm a strong, independent leader who doesn't need help."
Team Member: "You should be more self-reliant and take initiative."
Take a moment to reflect and consider whether you heard yourself in any of those statements. It's not an indictment (I think we're all probably guilty of at least one of these!), but rather an opportunity to learn and grow. When leaders acknowledge their own inconsistencies, they open a path toward balanced empathy. Embracing this alignment fosters trust and mutual respect, strengthening overall performance.
The Illusion of Perfection
It's easy to be our own biggest cheerleader, overlooking our flaws and mistakes. We may attribute our failures to external factors or simply brush them off as "learning experiences." However, when it comes to others, we can be quick to judge and criticize, often forgetting the human element.
The Power of Empathy
To truly lead, we must cultivate empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When we empathize with others, we can see the world through their eyes, appreciate their perspectives, and respond with compassion.
A New Perspective
Instead of judging others, consider asking yourself:
How would I feel if someone treated me this way?
What might be going on in their life that's causing this behavior?
How can I offer support and understanding instead of criticism?
By shifting our perspective, we can foster a more positive and productive work environment.
The Path to Self-Awareness
To overcome this leadership blind spot, we must first develop a strong sense of self-awareness. This involves:
Seeking feedback: Actively solicit input from others, both positive and negative.
Practicing mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions in the moment.
Reflecting on your behavior: Regularly assess your actions and identify areas for improvement.
Leaders who open both eyes—one that sees their own obstacles and one that appreciates the challenges of others—build cultures of fairness and growth. Self-awareness brings about more balanced standards, leaving behind the stark disconnect that once defined their leadership style.
By embracing self-awareness and empathy, we can become more effective leaders who inspire trust, loyalty, and high performance. Remember, true leadership is not about perfection; it's about the ability to learn, grow, and connect with others on a human level.
Inspiring Quotes:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~ Plato, Greek philosopher
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ~ James Baldwin, American Essayist
“We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” ~ Malala Yousafzai, Pakistani Activist for Girls’ Education
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~ Rumi, 13th-Century Persian Poet and Mystic
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